Yesterday I was reminded of the value of self-respect, of maintaining your dignity in the face of provocation and not lowering your standards because the person in front of you has. An incident occurred, an altercation ensued, and while one person chose to use foul language and exhibit aggressive behaviour, the other stayed calm and dignified. In the moment it seemed as if the first person was winning, but it was the latter who walked away with the respect of the bystanders.
I cannot elaborate on the situation because it isn’t my place to do so. But as a bystander, I was so impressed by the calm dignity of the second man that I immediately vowed to myself that rather than rashly reacting to a situation, I would henceforth keep my calm and let things play out. A much tougher route for sure, but one that does not compromise on your own values for the sake of a cheap victory.
My feelings were further reinforced by an Indian movie I watched last night. ‘Thappad’ (Slap) begins as a feminist manifesto, but segues into the much deeper territory of self-respect. The premise is simple: a young and beautiful woman, happily married and devoted to her husband and family, finds one day that her position in her husband’s life is one devoid of any respect or value. A single slap that people around her either ignore or tell her to forgive becomes the fulcrum of her need to assert her desire for respect. In her unwavering stance, she is neither aggressive nor militant. What she is, is uncompromising when it comes to her self-worth. The ripple effect of her stance holds up a mirror to the people around her, and in time exposes the fault lines of their own compromises.
The beauty of the script was in the fact that the protagonist wasn’t looking for any kind of outside affirmation. At one point her father asks her whether her actions are a consequence of answering an inner call, and she confirms they are. This resonated with me powerfully. What are we if we do not follow our own gut? If our moral compasses are aligned correctly, then doing the right thing regardless of where it takes us is never up for debate.
Outside forces are often loud and insistent. Examples abound of people who failed (in the eyes of the public) whilst doing what they saw as true and good. But here’s what we don’t see – how they felt about themselves. Ultimately, a person has to live with his/her conscience. There are plenty of people whose consciences are all but dead. But I truly believe that if you choose to override that inner voice, it will manifest itself in some other way. In physical ailments, in psychological degradation, in bitterness and internal chaos.
None of us are exempt from the temptations of the easier path. Yet, how much more satisfaction and pleasure is derived from the road less taken. My father has always exhorted me to be like water, as in, take the shape and form of the container it is poured into. Be flexible, be malleable, but always be uncompromising when it comes to what matters most – your self-worth and self-respect.
“If you want to be respected by others, the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you.”
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