This is the heaviest I have ever been weight-wise. It’s showing in the clothes I wear, and more importantly, on a face that’s already chubby, it’s showing in the new double chin I sport. How have I allowed it to get to this point and why? Well, incrementally and because drowning my sorrows in food had become my go-to in the last few months. But photographs don’t lie, and the last lot of photos I had my husband take for my new book, showed all the lovely over-indulgence on my face, much to my horror!
For years my one big fear was of being overweight. The overriding reason being that diabetes runs in the family and having seen my mother and uncle suffer from it, I was acutely aware that I did not want to end up in the same boat. I tried to eat sensibly, not always succumb to my sweet tooth and exercise regularly. This worked like a charm for many years. But slowly that iron-grip I had on my diet started to slip, and a pound or two creeping up didn’t seem so bad. Till one fine day, I woke up 28 pounds heavier than my ideal weight! While it was all fun and games putting it on, taking it off is a long, hard slog, one which I have to prepare myself for physically as well as mentally.
Through it all though, what I am proud of is the fact that I have not stopped exercising. I may not be as fast on my feet as I was before, but I sure as heck am willing and able to move. I consider myself fairly fit and on the odd occasions that I have been unable to exercise for a length of time, I miss it horrendously.
You see, over the years exercise has taught me so much. At a time when I feel particularly low about my appearance, this list is a reminder to myself that I cannot and must not give up.
- Endurance: In one of my hyper exercising phases I fell into long-distance running. The first half-marathon I ever competed in, I was ill-prepared and injured to boot. But through sheer doggedness I ran the distance, hobbling the last mile or so, telling myself that I could not quit at that stage. I suffered from a bad knee for months after that, but I learned two valuable lessons that day. One, that the mind could conquer anything and two, that preparation was key. The next few marathons I competed in, I enjoyed and completed utilising the lessons I’d learned the first time around.
- Resilience: Ever tried doing an exercise class after a bad night’s sleep, when you are particularly tired and cantankerous? No? Well, I have. Those are the worst days, the days you want to stop before you’ve even begun. When the cheery warm-up seems like torture and every move designed to punish your already tired body. But it’s those days when you discover your reserves of strength. When you push yourself to do just that little bit more and keep pushing till suddenly you realise that you’re done and it wasn’t that bad after all. That resilience I have applied to many other areas of my life successfully. It is something I learn time and again on my bad days, and know that it is an invaluable tool that I will utilise for the rest of my life.
- It’s not a competition: I’ve recently joined a Body Balance class. I wish I’d done it much earlier as it is a class I love. It’s also a class I’m woefully inadequate at. A combination of Tai Chi, Pilates and Yoga, it truly balances you and fills you with a sense of calm. The first time I ever did this class, I looked around me and spotted many different age groups, but that told me very little about their ability. There were ladies in their seventies who were far more flexible and bendy than I could ever be. But nobody was judging anyone else, and no one was judging me as I tried to get into positions awkward and unfamiliar to my body. In time I have improved. Also, I’ve stopped looking at other people as I realise that there is no competition here. Each one of us is here for ourselves. It’s our journey and how we see fit to complete it, is up to us too.
- Happiness: This one has been bandied about a lot, but it’s true. In a crazy, rushed life, taking a bit of time out to do some good to your body by way of exercise produces the happiness effect. Physical activity stimulates the release of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, as well as endorphins. These brain chemicals play an important part in regulating your mood and overall sense of well-being. Sometimes a little bit of exercise is all it takes to lift yourself out of a funk.
- Belonging: Exercisers become a part of a community. There is an unspoken understanding between them, a recognition of why they do what they do, regardless of the reasons that propel them. Over the years I feel like I’ve grown to belong to this club of people who enjoy the many benefits of exercise without being preachy or ‘judgy’ about it.
So, having listed all these wonderful things that keep me exercising, I know that all I have to do now is to get a handle on my food habits, cure myself of emotional/binge/comfort eating, get regular sleep, keep hydrated and fingers crossed, I will be well on my way towards getting back into my favourite pair of jeans. Wish me luck!