Lately I have been pondering the meaning of acceptance. For a long time, I believed that acceptance meant defeat. It meant that the person had given up the fight and laid down all arms. But is it really so?
When the Tsunami of 2004 occurred, I remember reading an article about the survivors. One amongst them, a western woman, was appalled to see that many of the local Thai people were not even attempting to escape from the gigantic waves crashing down upon them. Instead, they stood there, arms raised, as if in supplication, and submitted to their fate. She survived. They didn’t.
This was highlighted as the difference between the philosophies of fatalism and free will. In the former, there is a submissiveness to that which is predetermined. A belief that there is no control over destiny. Free will, on the other hand, is the belief that we have the power to choose our actions, and fate and destiny are a consequence of our choices, not a predetermined narrative to which we must submit.
However, with age and life experience, I have come to realise that not everything is within our control. Our sphere of influence extends only so far and no farther. You can act a certain way, you can plan your life ahead, but there are so many circumstances that can upend those plans and nullify whatever reaction you wished or hoped for.
When this occurs, railing against the reality of the situation is a futile exercise. Yes, you can try multiple ways to circumvent that which is, but if all of that fails too, what then?
Acceptance.
Acceptance is the most Zen way of coming to terms with how things are. It is also the most pragmatic.
That’s not to say that one shouldn’t strive for better, or fight one’s corner, or regroup and review how to proceed. But it also makes sense to understand that not everything will align with one’s own desires and dreams. Not every person one encounters will be in perfect sync with one’s journey through life.
As Robert Burton said in his book, ‘The Anatomy of Melancholy’, “What cannot be cured must be endured.”
Coming from an eastern culture, there is perhaps, within me, a certain amount of fatalism too. My semi-western upbringing, however, taught me the value of free will. Today, “acceptance” for me means a marriage of the two schools of thought. A belief system that doesn’t allow me to rest on my laurels, do sod-all to change my circumstances, stay bone idle and expect life to provide for me. But at the same time, it brings with it the realisation that when things do not go to plan, when people do not behave in the way I expected them to, when my body fails me or my mind refuses to concentrate, I must accept this as a part of the fabric of life.
Acceptance is not a passive state, therefore. It is not resignation, but an awareness that everything that we do, and everything that happens to us, is in perfect conjunction. It is how the Universe meant for it to be, and what are we, but infinitesimally a part of its grand design? Our actions make us who we are, but the acceptance of that which is beyond our control makes us a part of a larger consciousness.
