Valentine’s Day

Today is a day when couples all over the world will be celebrating their love for one another. It is also a day that maybe, a few tentative steps will be taken to declare one’s devotion to the object of one’s affection. Hearts, cards, roses, chocolates… the whole kit and caboodle will be the arsenal accompanying these celebrations/declarations. And why not? After all, that giddy feeling of being head over heels in love is the most amazing, mind altering, life enhancing experience that there is.

But what after that?

What, once the initial flush has faded? What, once the romance has been replaced by reality? What, when you discover that your hero farts or your heroine snores? What, when the husband can’t balance the cheque book or the wife flies off the handle at the slightest provocation? What, when the children come along and it is dirty nappies and sleepless nights, upchuck, fevers, teething and terrible twos? Can roses and chocolates survive the onslaught?

I have seen many a romance crumble under the weight of the tedium of everyday living. Couples who have parted ways or couples who have stayed together, despite their mutual loathing. Couples who haven’t been able to withstand the vicissitudes of life. Couples who have blamed each other or couples who have stumbled into other people’s arms. The very same couples who had once declared undying love to each other. What does Valentine’s Day signify to them, except being an empty ritual selling fake dreams?

There are those who still hold on to the elusive ideal of the perfect partner. Those who move from person to person, never quite finding perfection, but chasing it nonetheless. To them, each new love is ‘the one’, every Valentine’s Day is another opportunity, another chance to experience that ‘high’ of initial love. They are the perfect customers for all the consumerist marketing out there. They not only buy into the idea of a perfect romance, they buy towards it too.

Then there are those for whom the initial thrill faded a long time ago. But it was replaced by something even more powerful. It was replaced by trust, assurance, respect, understanding and a deeper love. Not the kind of love that needs a public show of passion, but the kind of love that fills the air in the car tyres for the wife, or brings her breakfast in bed when she’s ill. The kind of love that stands by her man when he is at his lowest, or cooks his favourite dishes for him. The ‘porridge-stirring’ kind of love – ordinary, pedestrian, everyday. The kind that builds lives together. To them, perhaps, Valentine’s Day is just another day to spend in the company of their loved one. Whether they acknowledge it by way of cards and flowers or not, is completely irrelevant.

To all the couples who are marking this day in their own special way, remember:

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” Ann Landers.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!❤️